Brown to meet the Pope

It was announced from 10 Downing Street that the Prime Minister will have an audience of the Pope in the Vatican.

Mr. Brown's official spokesman told the press that the visit was a chance to continue the friendly relations the United Kingdom and the Holy See have enjoyed ever since Elizabeth I reversed her father's bloodthirsty policy of religious uniformity and replaced it with the toleration of all Christian sects which do not believe in God. A BBC reporter reminded the official spokesman that Catholics actually do believe in God, to which the spokesman replied that he understood the Church of England to be engaging in 'significant ecumenical dialogue with the Roman Catholic Church devoted to resolving such minor doctrinal differences that unhappily divide Christians'. He also added that the Prime Minister was convinced that he and the Pope would find they have much in common, despite their disagreements on unimportant issues that bear no relevance to contemporary society, such as the sancitity of human life, the definition of marriage, and the meaning of life, the universe and everything.

The agenda for the meeting is understood to concentrate on the development of Third World countries into entirely independent and self sustaining nations so that they may be free to continue in such traditional practices as cannibalism, the mass starvation of their populations and the ritual murder of last year's political leaders. The Government firmly believes in the principle of respect for these fundamentals of the cultures of developing nations, the spokesman said.

The Vatican declined to comment on Downing Street's statement.