'This government is absolutely committed to free speech as an essential component of our democracy. It is for this reason that we have to prevent people from expressing opposition to our manifesto commitment to give sodomites, necrophiliacs and paedophiles superior rights to those possessed by decent married couples. If democracy and free speech are to be ensured we cannot allow dissent from the clear will of the 16% of the population that elected us.'
Dr. Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, expressed his support for the government's action. He told the Anglican commission tasked with erasing anything connected with the words God, Christ and morality from all English translations of the Bible that the Church had put too much emphasis on the family in the past and should now embrace 'the inevitable trend towards hermeneutical solutions at variance with traditional exegetical norms which offer relativist maxims propogating a utilitarian ethic limited in scope to the individual'. One cleric suffered a minor injury in the general rush for dictionaries.
Both members of the Phelps family banned from Britain expressed their outrage at the Home Secretary's ruling. Mrs. Phelps-Roper, surrounded by the offspring of her incestuous marriage, told reporters that she 'prayed for the return of sexual propriety in the great land that refused to accept the scum that were my ancestors and sent them to form this damnable nation of America'. She was sure that the British government had been coerced into banning her by the sorcery of the Anti-Christ, Pope Benedict XVI, who apparently is the 264th reincarnation of the original son of the Devil, St. Peter. 'Its all in the Bible', she said.
Ha, the bit about Williams is hilarious.
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it. I was going to say something about Phelps offering her brood as a sacrificial offering in exchange for 'great wrath' falling upon Britain (the latter is what she actually said!) but that would be mildly blasphemous.
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